**The Big Question: How Should We Live?** At its heart, this book tackles the ancient question of "How should we live?". It argues that this question feels particularly urgent in our modern Western society because things are changing so quickly. We're grappling with online relationships, confusion about careers beyond just paying the bills, deciding how to use our longer lifespans, ethical challenges from ecological crises, and a growing desire for deeper fulfillment than just buying things. Usually, when people look for answers, they turn to philosophy, religion, psychology, or self-help gurus. But this book suggests looking somewhere few people think to look: history!. The idea is that by exploring how people lived in different times and cultures, we can find lessons and inspiration for the challenges and opportunities we face every day. It's not about dreaming up utopian futures, but about seeing how real people actually lived. The author sees history as a kind of 'wonderbox' or 'Wunderkammer' – like Renaissance curiosity cabinets filled with fascinating objects, each with a story. History hands down intriguing stories and ideas, a shared inheritance we can explore to learn about life. This approach is called "applied history". It involves searching through the work of historians, anthropologists, and sociologists to find enlightening ideas for living in the Western world today. While these studies weren't necessarily written with this in mind, they offer insights for living a more adventurous and purposeful life. It's like a Renaissance-style rediscovery of buried knowledge, aiming for a revolution in self-understanding. Looking to the past is about more than just adopting old ways of living that seem compelling. It's also about recognizing the ideas and attitudes we've inherited, often without even realizing it. Some legacies are positive, like the value of being in nature for our well-being. Others might be harmful but unquestioned, such as seeing leisure as "time off" rather than "time on," or believing it's best to be a narrow specialist rather than a wide achiever. By tracing the historical origins of these legacies, we can understand ourselves better, choose to accept them knowingly, or reject them to invent something new. That's the incredible power we gain when we engage with history. The book explores different areas of life through historical lenses, focusing on episodes that illuminate common struggles. The examples chosen reflect what might be most useful to people who feel perplexed or curious about how to live and have the opportunity to make changes. The journey covers roughly the last three thousand years of human history, mainly in Europe and North America, but also includes insights from Asia, the Middle East, and indigenous peoples. The goal is to build a bridge between the past and present to help us deepen relationships, rethink work, and explore the world and ourselves in new ways. So, what specific areas does this historical exploration shed light on? **Exploring Life's Big Themes Through History** The book delves into various crucial aspects of the art of living, using historical examples to challenge our current perspectives: - **Love:** Forget trying to define one single "true love". The ancient Greeks, for example, recognized six different varieties of love. This is very different from our modern focus on romantic love with a single person who's supposed to meet all our needs. The Greeks understood that love exists in relationships with friends, family, spouses, strangers, and even ourselves. By fostering these many forms, we can find love is much more abundant than we might think. If one area of our "love life" is struggling, we can focus on nurturing another form. The historical evolution of romantic love includes influences from Arab literature and medieval courtly love, which elevated heterosexual romantic love as an ideal. This courtly love tradition blended _eros_ (passionate desire, often outside marriage) and _agape_ (selfless love for strangers, seen in legends like St. George). The modern, culturally inherited ideal of romantic love, often symbolized by Brancusi's sculpture _The Kiss_, can be problematic because it depicts lovers locked in an embrace with no breathing space, losing their individuality and turning away from the world. It suggests pursuing love in excessively narrow terms. Instead, we should cultivate the Greek varieties with a range of people. This means fostering profound friendships (_philia_) outside our main relationship, seeking the joys of playfulness (_ludus_) in various activities (not just sex), recognizing that self-love or loving only a small circle isn't enough, and making space for _agape_ by transforming love into a gift for strangers. By tapping into multiple sources and nurturing love in many ways, our lives can feel abundant with love. - **Family:** Family life is compared to managing a small business, with services, finances, time limits, roles, and demanding customers. Many of us aren't trained for this. Looking at the history of the househusband, including in indigenous societies like the Aka Pygmies, offers insights. Aka men, for instance, are incredibly dedicated fathers, spending a large part of their day holding or being near their children. While women do most childcare, men are fully involved in many tasks, even comforting crying babies by offering their nipples. This high level of paternal involvement seems linked to their net hunting, where both parents participate, and men carry the babies. The more childcare they do, the more attached they become, reinforcing their desire to care for them. Another example is the novelist J. G. Ballard, who raised his three children himself after his wife died in the 1960s, contrasting with his own formal, distant upbringing. He prioritized family over his writing, recognizing their health and happiness as a key indicator of his own well-being. The book suggests that drawing on different cultural examples and reflecting on historical roles can help modern couples rethink their domestic arrangements and navigate family challenges. - **Empathy:** Empathy is defined as stepping into another person's shoes and seeing the world from their perspective – known technically as "cognitive empathy". It's different from sympathy or pity. It's about imagining yourself in their character and reality to understand their beliefs, experiences, hopes, and fears. Empathizing often happens naturally and can lead to taking action on behalf of others. It's considered core to our humanity, the essence of compassion, and the beginning of morality. But empathy isn't just about being good; it's also good for you. It can heal relationships, reduce prejudice, increase curiosity about strangers, and make us rethink our ambitions. Developing empathy is seen as a key to personal well-being and can lead to greater happiness. Gandhi's talisman, suggesting we test our actions by considering their benefit to the poorest person, is an example of how focusing on others can make our own doubts and self melt away. It's crucial to distinguish empathy from the Golden Rule ("Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"). The Golden Rule is about treating others as _you_ would want to be treated, based on _your own_ views. Empathy is harder; it requires imagining _their_ views and acting accordingly. Society is said to suffer from an "empathy deficit," making it challenging to truly understand people on the margins or even those close to us during arguments. This deficit is partly rooted in a historical idea, popularized by Thomas Hobbes in the 17th century, that humans are primarily selfish and self-interested ("homo economicus"). Hobbes's view became culturally dominant, influencing everything from arts to economics. However, an alternative narrative exists: that humans are "homo empathicus," born with a natural capacity for empathy as strong as our selfish drives. Adam Smith, the father of capitalism, argued this in his lesser-known book, _The Theory of Moral Sentiments_, proposing that our "fellow-feeling for the misery of others" is based on our imaginative ability to "change places in fancy with the sufferer". Modern science supports Smith's view, suggesting egoistic desires coexist with benevolent, empathic natures. History offers strategies to expand empathy: conversation, experience, and social action. Empathy has been a powerful force in history, explaining movements like the fight against slavery, where British people, often familiar with naval impressment (a form of enslavement), could empathize with plantation slaves. Factory workers and the Irish also saw parallels between their oppression and slavery. Empathy played a role in the abolition movement, as well as actions like the rescue of Jews during WWII or the response to the 2004 tsunami. Conversely, historical tragedies like colonialism and genocide reflect empathic failure. Engaging in shared struggles for others can provide purpose and satisfaction. Cultivating empathy, though challenging, can be done through conversation, experience (like volunteering), or social action. It requires 'outrospection' – stepping outside ourselves to understand how others think and live. Over time, this effort dissolves barriers and reveals the "invisible threads of human connection" that hold the world together. - **Work/Making a Living:** Choosing a career is a modern problem. For centuries, work was dictated by fate or necessity, like being a serf tied to the land in medieval Europe. The Industrial Revolution offered liberation from feudalism but often led to monotonous, exploitative factory jobs. Medieval Christian doctrine saw work as a burden, but the Protestant Reformation promoted hard work as a worthy, even religious duty. This led to the idea of a "calling" – a specific goal providing deep meaning and a path, now secularized to describe being drawn to an absorbing occupation. Viktor Frankl's experience in concentration camps highlighted the importance of having a "concrete assignment" or future goal beyond mere survival, providing meaning and inner strength. However, finding a calling is rarely an epiphany; it often emerges after years of working in a field or experimenting with different careers, like Vincent van Gogh, who tried various jobs before dedicating himself intensely to painting. Following a calling often means your work merges with life, questioning the idea of "work-life balance". It provides purpose beyond monotony. Beyond a calling, jobs need scope to use talents. This leads to the question of whether to be a specialist ("high achiever") or a generalist ("wide achiever"). Specialization has become the dominant ideal due to the legacy of the division of labour (like Adam Smith's pin factory), the structure of academic learning (like the specialized PhD), and the overwhelming amount of information available today. While specialization has benefits (like aeronautical engineering), it can make work limited and prevent us from using our full range of abilities. The Renaissance ideal was the generalist ("many-sided men") like Leon Battista Alberti or Leonardo da Vinci, who used their full range of talents. We can rediscover this ideal today through different approaches: joining professions requiring many skills (like elementary school teaching), pursuing multiple careers simultaneously or in succession (portfolio/serial careers), or bringing thinking from other fields into our existing job (like Harry Beck redesigning the Tube map using electrical circuit diagrams). A purposeful job is one that embodies our values, has meaningful goals, offers respect, and uses our talents. The sources suggest these might be more accessible than we think. Overcoming fears of making the wrong choice or lacking skills is key. Strategies include conversational research or trial "branching projects" alongside our current jobs. Ultimately, treating our working lives as experiments is encouraged, echoing Ralph Waldo Emerson's idea that "All life is an experiment". - **Time:** Modern society is obsessed with speed and suffers from short-term thinking. We can counter this by consciously slowing down aspects of daily life. This could involve a "chronological diet," like abandoning your watch for a week, eating slowly, or planning fewer activities. Learning from non-Western traditions, such as cyclical time (like observing seasons or a weekly Sabbath for rest) or Zen Buddhism (living fully in the present through meditation), can also help renegotiate our relationship with time. Beyond personal pace, society has a "pathologically short attention span," affecting politics and economics. This lack of long-term perspective leads to social irresponsibility, like squandering resources without considering future generations. We need to connect time and responsibility. Historical examples like Viking warriors thinking of descendants or Tewa Indians viewing life from a mountaintop ("Pin peyeh obe") can inspire a longer view. The idea of expanding the "now" into a "long now" encompassing thousands of years, like the concept behind 'The Clock of the Long Now,' is presented as an antidote to short-term thinking and a way to foster a more responsible attitude towards the environment. - **Materialism/Simple Living:** Consumer culture and social standing linked to wealth make simple living difficult due to status anxiety. We constantly compare ourselves to others ("keeping up with the Joneses"). The suggested solution isn't necessarily to drag others down (as Quentin Crisp quipped) but to choose different people to compare ourselves to – perhaps friends who value adventurous camping trips over luxury resorts. We have the freedom to select our peers and the community we aspire to join. - **Senses:** Modern life can lead to sensory deprivation. The history of individuals with heightened sensory awareness, like Kaspar Hauser, who was imprisoned in darkness, shows how environment can sharpen senses (like smell and hearing) to extraordinary levels. However, these heightened senses can fade quickly upon immersion in culture. Helen Keller is also mentioned as a sensory icon (though the details of her sensory experience aren't elaborated in the provided text). The opportunity is to actively participate in the "game" between culture and context to expand our sensory faculties. - **Travel:** The source challenges the modern view of travel primarily as escape and relaxation. It asks us to consider travel as a way to change who we are. Different historical and traditional approaches are explored, including the pilgrim and the explorer. Lessons from figures like the poet Bashō and activist Satish Kumar (who walked across continents) suggest that a pilgrimage today should have a personally meaningful destination (even if symbolic), be challenging (ideally involving walking), require dealing with adversity to learn about oneself, and involve cultivating oneself as a wanderer who is open to getting lost and discovering the unexpected. William Cobbett, the 19th-century writer, used travel as a "social project" to explore rural poverty and challenge his own prejudices. Laurie Lee's journey as a young man is described as "existential exploration" – a compelled turning away from the past without a clear destination, remaining open to new ways of living and thinking encountered along the way. While these forms of travel might seem like too much effort compared to a relaxing getaway, they can be viewed as "time on" – an integral part of life that can lead to significant personal change and the discovery of new worlds. - **Nature:** The Romantic movement showed how nature could help us discover our souls, finding beauty and spiritual depths in landscapes. However, this can be too pristine. A newer approach, the "cult of the wild," encourages deeper immersion, getting dirty and experiencing nature's savagery. Examples like Joseph Knowles, who attempted to live primitively in the Maine woods, highlight extreme engagements with nature. Pagan traditions, like celebrating May Day or solstices, offer ways to connect with natural rhythms. Engaging with nature is also linked to ecological responsibility; shifting to low-carbon lifestyles, like camping instead of flying, can redefine freedom and fulfillment as a "lighter, smarter way of living". - **Beliefs:** Our beliefs are fundamental to who we are, acting as a lens for seeing the world and ourselves, defining our identities, guiding choices, and serving as a standard for judging our actions. Yet, they are rarely questioned systematically; "common sense" is seen as prejudices acquired early in life. History helps us understand how beliefs are shaped by family, education, and government, often subtly. It also provides inspiration for changing beliefs. Galileo, by daring to look through his telescope, challenged long-held beliefs about the universe, facing potential ostracism. Similarly, Leo Tolstoy radically changed his beliefs, rejecting his aristocratic background for pacifism and asceticism. Changing beliefs requires courage and curiosity, being willing to look at things that might undermine our views and face potential sacrifices. A major challenge is the "belief-action gap" – the inconsistency between what we profess to believe and how we act. Closing this gap often requires sacrifice. Historically, people have sacrificed life (martyrs, political activists), power (those giving up leadership roles), liberty (civil disobedients, journalists), wealth (Gandhi, ethical investors, philanthropists), and relationships (Mandela, those differing from family) for their beliefs. How much we are willing to give up measures our commitment. Sacrifices, however, can yield the "rare gift of personal integrity". Believing in "transcendent causes" larger than the self (like human rights) can provide fulfillment beyond self-centered desires. While social forces shape beliefs, healthy skepticism is needed. Despite obstacles, we can strive to close the belief-action gap by starting with ourselves and aiming to "be the change we want to see". - **Creativity:** Creativity is about making or producing and is seen as integral to human self-expression. It happens in leisure time and in jobs. Psychology agrees creativity is good for you, and everyone has a creative self. However, the common understanding of creativity as tied to originality, innate talent (a Renaissance legacy), or mastering analytical skills (as some techniques suggest) can be limiting and intimidating. The commercial world has also appropriated creativity for business innovation and marketing, draining its spirit. To reclaim creativity for the art of living, its meaning and purpose need rethinking. The book suggests three strategies: daily self-expression (like cooking), rediscovering craft skills, and embracing creativity as a philosophy that breaks social conventions. Cooking, seen as an art since classical times, offers a regular opportunity for creation. Craft ("Homo faber" - man the maker) involves practical skills and making useful, often beautiful objects, providing pleasure, combining mind and body, fostering pride, and offering self-sufficiency. William Morris championed craft as an antidote to industrial toil and a political act against the "commercial system". However, craft has declined due to industrialization and consumerism, leading to a loss of making and mending skills. While few can make a living solely from traditional craft today, a "craft mentality" can be brought into existing jobs by striving for quality and aesthetics. DIY is a contemporary movement embracing making. Finally, creativity can be a philosophy of independence, ignoring rules to allow life to "blossom forth," like Picasso suggested for art. It's about pursuing creativity inclusively through everyday expression, craft, and breaking conventions. - **Death:** Modern society often keeps death at a distance, leading to denial and diminishing our sense of life's fragility. Historically, death was more present. Recognizing transience – that moments and periods of life are fleeting and will pass ("little deaths") – can make us more aware of life's preciousness. Examples include savoring present experiences because they won't last, making time for loved ones who are aging, or enjoying activities while healthy. Ritually marking the end of significant life phases (changing jobs, hitting a certain age) can raise awareness of these "little deaths". Unlike the medieval knight who challenges Death to chess to find meaning, modern people face the challenge of bringing death closer to life in a way that deepens meaning without increasing fear. This requires creating an "invigorated deathstyle culture" where death is discussed more openly. While caring for elderly parents can be challenging in modern society, particularly compared to traditions like Confucian filial piety common in parts of Asia, we can still honor them through regular visits, phone calls, involving children, or creative shared experiences. Ultimately, helping parents leave the world with contentment and dignity is seen as a profound offering. **Overcoming Barriers and Taking Action** Recognizing challenges and having good ideas for change is one thing, but actually making changes is difficult because of fear, habits, and reluctance to take risks. There's no easy solution. History provides examples of people who made bold moves. Goethe, for instance, suddenly left his job and comfortable life to travel to Italy, breaking social conventions by traveling independently and blending in. Like other pioneers, he swam against the social tide. If we want to incorporate history's lessons, we might have to defy cultural norms and risk standing out – like leaving a well-paid job for one aligned with values, living without certain consumer items, or discussing sensitive topics like death. This price means potentially not keeping up with others or receiving their approval. However, it also means expanding our horizons and setting new standards for future generations. Goethe's approach to self-understanding wasn't just introspection, but also "outrospection" – learning about himself by engaging with the world, people, and experiences. The ultimate lesson from his journey is that to truly change, there comes a point where thinking must stop and action must be taken. This idea has various names throughout history, like _carpe diem_ or "just do it". It's about choosing to live an extraordinary life and avoiding future regrets. Even if we feel trapped or hesitant, we can ask what bold move figures like Goethe or other pioneers might make. Finally, history reveals two "golden threads" for living. The first is that fulfillment is most likely found through our relationships with others – nurturing different varieties of love, forging connections, and sharing our lives. Even simple acts like cooking are enhanced by sharing the meal. The second thread is that giving is good for you. Figures like the anti-slavery activists John Woolman and Thomas Clarkson, or Leo Tolstoy, found meaning by acting for others, honoring the Greek ideal of _agape_. Giving can be a sure route to a life of purpose. By opening history's "wonderbox," we can see that our usual ways of living – loving, working, creating, facing death – aren't the only options. The past offers surprising possibilities to spark our curiosity, capture our imaginations, and inspire us to act. **Further Ideas and Questions to Explore:** - How might you start your own "chronological diet" this week? What single clock could you remove from your immediate sight? - Could you identify one inherited belief you hold (about work, family, money, etc.) and try to trace its origin or question its validity? - What's one small, everyday activity you could approach with a "craft mentality," aiming for quality and pride in the process? - Think about the different kinds of love discussed. Which variety feels most abundant in your life right now? Which might you make an effort to cultivate more? - If you were to design a "social project" travel experience, where would you go and what kind of issue would you explore?