The author explores the multifaceted concept of "we-ness" - a sociological term describing the sense of togetherness and belonging to something larger than oneself. Marsiglio examines the origins, manifestations, implications, and dynamics of we-ness across various social contexts. **Main Themes and Key Ideas:** **1. Defining and Framing We-ness:** - **Core Concept:** Marsiglio defines "we-ness" as a sociological concept representing "a sense of togetherness," the special bonds people develop with others, and the ideas that unite them in common cause. It is described as a "personal and powerful concept that has implications for everyone." - **Overlap with Existing Concepts:** The author acknowledges that we-ness overlaps with numerous concepts used by scholars from various disciplines, such as group belonging, social connections, bonds, ties, interdependencies, networks, communities, and tribes. - **We-ness as an Individual Experience:** Marsiglio explicitly states that he does not treat we-ness as a property of a group exceeding the sum of its parts. Instead, he conceives of it as "an individual’s social psychological experience and perception." - **Types of We-ness:** While not explicitly categorized into rigid types in the excerpts, the text implicitly highlights different forms: - **Deep Dyadic We-ness:** Captures the perception of a coupled identity with others, requiring a sustained relationship for better or worse. Examples include romantic partners, close friends, mentors/mentees, parents/grandparents and children/grandchildren, and business partners. This form is often embedded within larger groups. - **Ideational We-ness:** Bonding based on shared ideas, beliefs, or values. Examples include allegiance to a sports team, a political party, or a religious doctrine. - **Spontaneous We-ness:** Superficial and often short-lived connections based on shared symbols or experiences, like encountering another fan of the same sports team. - **Meaning and Expectations:** The perception of how we-ness matters is linked to the "meanings we assign to certain rights, obligations, and expectations that permeate our connection." These meanings can be mutually shared or contested. - **Influence of Small Groups:** Drawing on Gary Fine's theory of "Tiny Publics," Marsiglio emphasizes that small groups serve as building blocks for social life and often facilitate both dyadic and ideational we-ness. Fine's concept of "idioculture" - the shared system of knowledge, beliefs, behaviors, and customs within a group - is relevant to understanding how members build a shared reality. - **Social Networks vs. Groups:** The author clarifies that while both represent a collection of people, a network differs from a group by including a specific set of connections between people. **2. The We-ness Landscape: Origins, Motivations, and Contexts:** - **Inherent Human Need:** Humans are described as being "hardwired to seek out and bond with others," irrespective of whether the outcome is good or bad. - **Trust and Shared Identity:** Trusting others is central to establishing a sense of belonging. Developing supportive, trusting identities contributes to social arrangements, though some argue that a clear sense of identity based on perceived commonalities is more defining of a society. - **Identifying Commonality:** People use various markers like physical appearance, language, dress, comportment, roles, rituals, and more to determine similarities with others and potentially incorporate them into a collective "us." - **Powerful Bonds in Diverse Settings:** We-ness can be forged in numerous contexts, both positive and negative: - **War:** The shared experience of hardship and danger can create strong bonds of camaraderie and brotherhood, as exemplified by "the greatest generation" and depictions in movies like _Saving Private Ryan_. - **Dictatorial Regimes:** Ruthless leaders cultivate we-ness, often based on ideology, to control and manipulate populations, as seen with Adolf Hitler and the Hitler Youth. - **Thick Communities:** Communities with dense social ties, strong norms of reciprocity, opportunities for talk, a psychological sense of community, economic interdependence, and a shared moral order foster a stronger sense of we-ness. These exist on a spectrum from "thin" to "thick." - **Social Media:** Platforms offer new avenues for framing identities and seeking we-ness, sometimes superficially through features like friendship rankings and "charms." - **Loneliness:** The absence of genuine we-ness makes individuals more vulnerable to loneliness, which can range from intermittent sadness to chronic isolation and depression. A strong sense of self can mitigate loneliness and lead to wiser choices in forming we-ness. - **Self-Meanings and Identity:** We-ness plays a significant role in how individuals define themselves. This self-definition is shaped by cognitive abilities, physical characteristics, emotional makeup, spiritual orientation, cultural forces (standpoints based on social location, life course markers), and interactions with others. The self is viewed as being fundamentally created within relationships. - **The Saturated Self and Multiphrenia:** Modern communication technologies can contribute to a "saturated self" and a state of "multiphrenia," where individuals have conflicting values, opinions, and motives due to interacting with numerous social circles. - **Mind, Body, and Spirit:** The development of the self, and its connection to we-ness, is influenced by the mind (cognitive activity shaped by social conditions), the embodied self (physical form and its interaction with physical surroundings and objects), and for many, their spiritual orientation or concept of the soul. Different religious traditions offer diverse perspectives on the soul and its connection to we-ness (e.g., Judaism's concept of "yechidah," Islam's concept of "nafs-ul-mutmainnah"). - **Motivations for We-ness:** Motivations are numerous and often overlap. They can be self-directed, stumbled into, or even coerced. - **Genetic Ties:** Physical resemblances within families can reinforce a perceived sense of we-ness, touching upon the "ethereal" and "sensory" dimensions of kinship. - **Friendship:** Companionship and intimacy are central to friendship and expressing we-ness. Friendship ties can sometimes take precedence over family ties. Digital technologies are reshaping how people find friends and navigate companionship needs. - **Shared Enemy/Hardship:** Shared experiences of abuse or conflict can forge strong bonds, even in difficult circumstances. - **Generativity and Mentorship:** Relationships where individuals teach, guide, and support younger generations or help communities thrive are forms of we-ness. Mentoring, particularly, highlights the emotional connection and shared identity that can develop. - **Teamwork:** The "no 'I' in 'team'" mantra emphasizes suppressing individual egos for collective goals and embracing the "family" metaphor for affinity. - **Business Ventures:** Shared goals and the process of building a business can unite partners, while disagreements can push them apart. Trust and the sharing of power are key. - **Technology and AI:** Questions arise about the types of bonds humans are creating with AI and sociable robots, raising the possibility of human-AI "friendships" and associated we-ness. - **Social Domains:** Life activities and perceptions are often framed within social domains (though not explicitly listed in the excerpts, the examples suggest family, community, work, leisure, etc.), each offering opportunities and challenges for developing we-ness. These domains are interconnected. **3. Dynamics and Outcomes of We-ness:** - **We-ness as a Process:** We-ness is not merely a state of being but a dynamic process involving transitions, building, unraveling, and navigating contentious elements. It involves entering, staying in, and moving out of connections with specific persons, groups, or thought communities. - **Contesting and Negotiating We-ness:** Individuals and groups constantly reformulate questions about how they are defined, what is expected, how they are similar or different, and how others can help them achieve aspirations. - **Cultural Forces Influence Pursuit of We-ness:** Cultural forces shape our desires and the ways we pursue we-ness in different social contexts. - **We-ness Can Lead to Both Good and Bad Outcomes:** We-ness is not inherently good or bad; it can produce positive, negative, or mixed results for individual and collective well-being. The nature of outcomes can change over time. - **Good Outcomes:** Examples include the positive integration of a stepfather into a family unit, leading to a strong sense of we-ness and positive outcomes for the children. - **Bad Outcomes:** We-ness can be exploited for deplorable goals (e.g., by dictators or in criminal activities like the Glen Ridge sexual assault). The "blue shield" in policing or a similar code of silence can protect unethical behavior and undermine accountability. Mistreatment of prisoners can arise from a seclusive "we" that excludes others. Gangs, while offering a sense of belonging and resources to vulnerable youth, also promote violence and can lead to death or imprisonment. - **Mixed Outcomes:** Religious mission trips can involve both service and conversion. Street and prison gangs can offer support and belonging while simultaneously promoting criminal activity and violence. Pseudo-families in women's prisons provide emotional and economic support but may also perpetuate dependency. - **Internal and External Challenges to We-ness:** Out-of-control displays of we-ness can be challenged by individuals within the group who find them troubling, even at personal risk (e.g., Sgt. Joseph Darby in the Abu Ghraib case). We-ness can also splinter into smaller clusters within larger groups, with differing allegiances and potential conflicts. - **Navigating Transitions:** Moving out of we-ness, whether through divorce, leaving a group, or other life changes, can be challenging and sometimes lead to negative consequences like depression and addiction. Transitions can also unfold in ambiguous ways, as seen in complex family arrangements. - **Addressing Undesirable We-ness:** The text prompts reflection on how to avoid or discourage "unappealing, perhaps repulsive" forms of we-ness and restructure norms in mixed-outcome settings to prioritize positive aspects. - **Military Example:** The military exemplifies both the power of we-ness ("band of brothers" motif) and the potential for negative outcomes (humanitarian abuses when comradeship lacks authentic, morally grounded friendship). The increasing inclusion of women challenges and reshapes traditional military we-ness. - **Resilience and Prosocial Qualities:** Cultivating a purpose in life and developing prosocial qualities like empathy, compassion, and gratitude can improve resilience and overall well-being. These qualities can be trained and are associated with increased well-being. - **Empathy as a Tool:** Novels and memoirs can foster empathy by allowing readers to connect with characters' inner lives. Empathy training can deepen relationships, particularly in long-term interactions like patient-doctor relationships. - **Altruism and Self-Interest:** Altruism, motivated by empathy or a desire to help others for their own sake, is a key prosocial quality. The concept of "particularistic altruism," limited to those within one's group or with shared characteristics, highlights the link between altruism and we-ness. Some argue for "enlightened self-interest" or "self-interested altruism" in public service, where promoting we-ness for the benefit of others also serves individual interests by building a better society. - **Archetypes within Groups:** Different personality types or "archetypes" (sparkplug, sage, kid, enforcer, buddy, warrior, jester) contribute to group dynamics and the expression of we-ness within teams. - **Creating Brotherhood/Sisterhood:** Individuals like the police officer who mentored youth actively work to create a sense of "brotherhood" or we-ness among those they guide, encouraging vulnerability and mutual support. - **Stepfather Paternal Claiming:** The concept of "paternal claiming" in stepfamilies illustrates a form of we-ness where a stepfather views stepchildren as his own, which is associated with positive child outcomes. **Significant Facts and Quotes:** - **Definition of We-ness:** "we-ness” – a sociological concept I define at length in the introduction. I’ve been curious about why, how, and with what effect people develop special bonds to others as well as to the ideas that bind them in common cause." - **Impact of We-ness:** "As a social force, we-ness generates strong feelings, both good and bad. At times it solidifies and polarizes simultaneously. It affects all of us directly and indirectly, as well as individually and collectively." - **Deep Dyadic We-ness:** "deep dyadic we-ness captures how we perceive a coupled identity with others. It necessitates that we relate to them in a way that sustains the we-ness we’ve built together, for better or worse." - **Gary Fine on Small Groups:** "They are, according to Fine, “aggregations of persons who recognize that they constitute a meaningful social unit, interact on that basis, and are committed to that social unit.”" - **We-ness as Individual Experience:** "Finally, I do not treat any form of we-ness (deep dyadic, ideational, or spontaneous) as a distinct property of a group or collective that is more than the sum of the participants. Rather, I conceive of we-ness as an individual’s social psychological experience and perception." - **Human Need to Belong:** "Whether they ultimately do so for good or bad, humans are hardwired to seek out and bond with others." - **Trust is Central:** "Now, and throughout history, trusting others is central to when and how we each seek to carve out the mental space of belonging to a group or thought community that enables us to feel at home with ourselves." - **War Bonds:** "The powerful bonds forged through war can also represent opportunities for individuals to develop a shared identity." - **Ruthless Dictators and We-ness:** "Unfortunately, ruthless dictators over the centuries like Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong-un, Benito Mussolini, Vladimir Putin, Joseph Stalin, and countless others have cultivated we-ness to pursue deplorable goals." - **Kalhammer's Perspective on Working for Hitler:** "You must understand there was a certain pride to it [working for Hitler]. If I’m being honest … this is how it is when you’re young. With our papers, for example, we could go anywhere we wanted, there was a certain pride in it. We were admired. Yes, it was beautiful too … you think to yourself that you were there, that you had the privilege of seeing all those guests. Yes. So you feel proud. But that doesn’t mean that I was proud about the other things. I didn’t understand it at all at the time." - **Dotson's Thick Community:** "Thicker communities would incorporate dense and interwoven social ties; strong norms of reciprocity and mutual aid; opportunities for talk; the psychological or symbolic sense of community; economic interdependence; functioning systems for self-governance and conflict resolution; and a strong shared moral order." - **Social Media and Networked Individualism:** "Nowadays, social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, Twitter, YouTube, and the like offer people innovative ways to frame their identities by searching for and achieving we-ness. These technologies promote networked individualism..." - **Chuck Noland and FedEx Package:** "Symbolically, the package enables Chuck to maintain his collective identity and sense of we-ness as a FedEx worker." (from _Castaway_ example) - **Loneliness Definition:** "Loneliness becomes an issue of serious concern only when it settles in long enough to create a persistent, self-reinforcing loop of negative thoughts, sensations, and behaviors." - **We-ness as a Process:** "Rather, we-ness is a process that requires us to understand its transitional aspects, the smooth flowing as well as the contentious elements." - **Self-Meanings and We-ness:** "In both settings, the people I talk to often depict their commitment to we-ness as playing an important role in how they define themselves." - **Cultural Forces and Self-Definition:** "To a varying degree, our diverse motivations to see ourselves in a particular way, or to pursue we-ness in specific settings, are influenced by the cultural forces that shape how we live our lives... In short, by interacting with and observing others, we learn how we can define ourselves." - **Gergen on the Saturated Self:** "Writing in the early 1990s, psychologist Kenneth Gergen was one of the first to argue thoughtfully that modern communication technologies were changing the landscape for how we develop and express ourselves.3 Referring to the condition he labeled the “saturated self,” Gergen introduced the idea that people were increasingly suffering from a state of multiphrenia." - **Mind in the Social Sense:** "From philosopher and social theorist Mead’s perspective, once a person becomes distinctly aware of their surroundings and themselves, we can speak of the person as possessing a mind in the social sense. The mind is central to any concept of self and according to Mead’s framework, it can only exist if there is cognitive activity that is influenced by social conditions." - **Role Conflict Example:** "Does he want to bring a child into the world and not be able to create a stable, safe family environment for his partner and child? He may very well experience cognitive dissonance when he weighs the competing expectations of his fellow gang members and his girlfriend." - **Embodied Self and Territories of the Self:** "We portray and reinforce a self, that way of thinking, through our bodies and our physical, tangible surroundings. As a particular sense of self extends outward, manifesting in visible artifacts and behavior, it can be located in space and time." - **Tauber on the Soul in Judaism:** "A soul is not just the engine of life; it also embodies the why of a thing’s existence, its meaning and purpose.”" - **Nafs in Islam:** "Reaching happiness means that there is a bond or we-ness with Allah because the source of happiness between both parties is the same: what makes Allah happy." - **Religious Beliefs and We-ness:** "Ultimately, religious doctrine is never carried out in practice by all people in the same way. Thus, people will often express idiosyncratic ways of incorporating their religious beliefs into their everyday lives and ways of developing bonds with other people, objects, and philosophies." - **Terms for We-ness:** "family, brotherhood, sisterhood, community, village, tribe, nation, team, crew, ensemble, lovers, colleagues, and business partners." - **Ethical and Sensory Kinship:** "This type of kinship “conjures up the spiritual, difficult to pin down and sometimes mystical connections people may perceive with each other that are often unanticipated and potentially highly emotional.”" - **Digital Technologies and Friendship:** "Digital technology is not just shaping dating culture – it continues to reshape how individuals find friends and navigate their companionship needs in the twenty-first century." (Bumble BFF example) - **Terrorist Groups and We-ness:** "These jihadists, most of whom are young men, can be radicalized because they are quick to see Western values as abhorrent, and they find personal meaning in sharing a religious ideology with others like them." - **Abused Children and Shared Experience:** "Here the shared experience may be a delicate balance between having a shared enemy and experiencing considerable pain together." - **Generativity Definition:** "Generativity is regarded as the humanistic desire to care for others, to pass on accumulated knowledge, to guide and teach valuable skills and viewpoints, shares wisdom, and assists younger generations to reach their full potential." - **Mark, the Teacher, on Mentoring:** "I was like, we have a circle of trust. This guy’s trusting you enough to tell you these things in confidence, and not have you laugh at him, because we’re trying, we’re here to help each other out…. So I said well this is, this is a brotherhood, so you know, everybody in here’s brothers, you know? This is your brother, next to you. I’m a brother, you know what I’m saying? I’m not your dad, I’m not Officer Jackson, I’m a brother … I’m just a brother." - **Ricard on the Downside of Group Belonging:** "Privileging members of our group is accompanied by a correlating de-privileging of those who do not belong to it, those who are foreigners or who belong to a rival group. This partiality leads to different forms of discrimination like racism, sexism, homophobia, and religious intolerance." - **Glen Ridge Sexual Assault Example:** "all in a circle, they clasp one hand on top of the other, all their hands together, like a basketball team on the sidelines at the end of a timeout.” (describing the boys' bonding after the assault). - **Layers of We-ness:** Groups can contain smaller clusters with their own sense of we-ness, which may or may not clash with the larger group's sentiment. - **Thomas, the Stepfather, on We-ness:** "I consider them my kids, I mean. I really do. They’re my kids. I look at them like they’re my boys. I tell everybody, they’re my boys... They just do. They just call me “dad.”" - **NYPD Blue Shield:** The "blue shield" or code of silence in policing is presented as a corrupt form of we-ness. - **Sgt. Joseph Darby on Reporting Abu Ghraib:** "It violated everything I believed in, rules of war…. It was more of a moral call.”" - **Gang Motivation:** "Not having a tight, supportive family can open the doors for young people to consider how gang membership would offer them the feeling of we-ness and respect that they desperately want and need." - **Gang Symbols:** "The typical symbols that matter to gang members include the gang’s name, a personalized gang nickname, neighborhood landmarks, tattoos, and colors. These symbols solidify a gang’s group identity and members’ personal connection to the gang and its unwritten street code." - **Pseudo-families in Women's Prisons:** "pseudo-families in women’s prisons provide the following functions: “emotional support, economic support, vehicles for coercion and aggression, and the need for protection from intimidation and assault.”" - **Ambivalence about Pseudo-families:** "I find it’s important to give people a sense of independence in decision making because a lot of people who come in here want to fall into family groups as the child or the baby." - **Evaluating We-ness Outcomes:** The text encourages assessing the implications of we-ness and working to "heighten the good while discarding the bad." - **Manchester on Military We-ness:** "These words encapsulate the “band of brothers” motif that permeates all branches and units of military service." - **Verweij on Comradeship vs. Friendship in Military:** "The bond of brotherhood can result in a seclusive ‘we’ that lashes out at everyone who threatens to destroy this ‘we-centeredness.’” Conversely, friendship adds a moral dimension to comradeship. - **Patriarchal Legacy in Military:** The "exceptional" male bonding in the military is argued to reflect patriarchal privileges that have largely excluded women. - **Challenges for Returning Soldiers:** "soldiers who return to their households and families face the challenge of getting reacquainted with civilian and family norms." - **Ricard on True Happiness:** "happiness as a “deep sense of flourishing that arises from an exceptionally healthy mind. This is not a mere pleasurable feeling, a fleeting emotion, or a mood, but an optimal state of being.”" - **Buddhist View of Interdependence:** "everything is relation; nothing exists in and of itself, immune to the forces of cause and effect.” - **Davidson on Resilience:** "when we successfully cultivate a purpose in life, we are more likely to express greater resiliency." - **Prosocial Qualities and Well-being:** "research shows that the set of prosocial qualities, including empathy, compassion, and gratitude, are associated with improving a person’s well-being." - **Hunt on 1700s Novels and Empathy:** "all selves were in some sense equal because all were alike in their possession of interiority [having an inner character].” - **Monroe on Particularistic Altruism:** "limited to particular people or groups deemed worthy because of special characteristics, such as shared ethnicity or family membership.”" - **Batson's Empathy-Altruism Hypothesis:** When people experience empathy, they may help others "out of the goodness of their heart rather than for self-interest." - **Scott Harrison Example:** His transformation from a hedonistic lifestyle to creating Charity: Water illustrates how compassion and empathy can drive action to alleviate suffering. - **Ryan's Archetypes:** Provides a framework for understanding different roles and contributions within a team that contribute to we-ness. - **Derek, the Police Officer, on Creating Brotherhood:** "I said well this is, this is a brotherhood, so you know, everybody in here’s brothers, you know? This is your brother, next to you. I’m a brother..." - **Enlightened Self-Interest in Service:** "not only altruism, but enlightened self-interest – a desire to build a society in which the serving citizen wants to live.” In conclusion, Marsiglio's exploration of we-ness reveals it to be a fundamental aspect of the human experience, driven by a deep-seated need for belonging and connection. While often a source of comfort and positive outcomes, we-ness can also be manipulated for harmful purposes or contribute to negative social dynamics. Understanding the diverse forms, motivations, and consequences of we-ness is crucial for navigating social life and fostering positive connections in an increasingly polarized world.